


I won't say that I need you, But I really need you

by BreakTheDawn



Series: In Which The Residents Of Sora's Heart Hotel Pay Him Back [1]
Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon Divergence - Post-Xehanort (Kingdom Hearts), Developing Friendships, Enemies to Friends, Gen, Hopeful Ending, Memory Loss, Multi, Post-Kingdom Hearts III, Rescuing Sora (Kingdom Hearts), Sad, Sora (Kingdom Hearts) Needs a Hug, Vanitus Dealing With Emotions, eventually
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-09
Updated: 2019-05-09
Packaged: 2020-02-29 05:23:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18772060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BreakTheDawn/pseuds/BreakTheDawn
Summary: “But why are you here with me?” Sora insists. Vanitas is quite for a long moment. Long enough that Sora goes to ask again before he’s cut off.“Ventus isn’t going to fade away forever without darkness on his side,” Vanitas says quietly, “You are.”“You’re protecting me?”“Obviously,” Vanitas snorts, and it somehow doesn’t sound as mocking as it usually does.OrSora's sacrifice has left more than a few people very sad.Those who owe their lives to his heart may or may not have something to say about this.





	I won't say that I need you, But I really need you

**Author's Note:**

> Okey-Doke! 
> 
> So hi! This is would be my first post within the Kingdom Hearts fandom, which is always fun! 
> 
> Kingdom Hearts III left me with quite the amount of feels and I'm excited to say that I've been able to take said feels and make something out of them! In this series, and yes it will be a series, I hope to explore the relationship between Sora and all of the people who have been directly connected to his heart hotel. It's also a chance to explore one of the characters I was most interested in, (read: Vanitas). In this first installment, I just wanted to lay some groundwork for how I think Vanitas might be able to be involved in Sora's recovery. I'm pretty well-versed in KH lore and canon, but that doesn't really mean much with how loose it can be at times lol. Nonetheless, I've tried my best to make this fit within the lore, but you may have to take some things with a grain of salt. 
> 
> Anyways, please enjoy! 
> 
> Both Sora and Vanitas swear in this BTWs, if that bothers anyone? Just letting you know.

“You know, it really pisses me off that I lost to someone like you.”

 

Sora sighs in response to the caustic tone, eyes? rolling so hard that he could probably give Donald a run for his money. “You’ve mentioned that,” he responds, “Like, ten times already. I think I get it.”

 

It’s amazing, Sora thinks, just how expansive the corridors in between worlds are. It had been intimidating at first, floating throughout the sheer and foreboding sense of nothingness without the security of both the gummi ship and his two most trusted allies at his side. It felt wrong, in a way that choked him up and made it hard to breathe, anxiety oppressive in his chest. 

 

(Though, Sora supposes that it’s not quite that simple. Because he’d have to be capable of breathing in order to find it difficult to breathe. Alas, the feeling is merely a remnant of his body that’s long since faded away. A mere memory held tightly by the last small pieces of his completely shattered heart. But it’s worth it, he asserts. Even as the edges of his vision blur with darkness more and more each day. As the memories of his time before start to lose their sentiment and he stops being able to place feelings with images. He knows that it’s worth it. She was worth it.)

 

But now, as he studiously tries to ignore the presence that floats aimlessly alongside him, Sora finds himself helplessly thinking that the corridors in between just aren’t big enough, not if he can’t get away from his stubborn tag along. The thought is surprisingly harsh for him. At least, Sora thinks that it’s surprisingly harsh for him. He’s not too sure of how his emotions and thoughts from now align with those of before. Not with his memories becoming more and more muted every moment. 

 

“I mean,” the voice comes again, “to have all that power and strength, to be able to single-handedly turn the tide of any war you get involved in, I guess I couldn’t have expected to stand a chance.”

 

Sora huffs, angling his body? (form? remnant?) to avoid a series of asteroids, even though he knows from experience that they will not harm him as he is now.

 

“There’s a difference between losing to you and losing to the girl, though.” The voice says, “for all your merits and strength, you’re really only powerful because of your little friends,” the word is spat out mockingly, “while she was powerful despite her stupid friends. At least whenever I lost to Aqua, I could admit that it was because she was just stronger than me. Losing to you though, it’s like losing to ten different people in one, none of which would be able to take me on their own. It’s insulting.”

 

“You lost to Ventus too,” Sora snarks, wondering who he’s talking about when he says the name “Aqua”. There’s some sentiment to name, admiration, respect, and sorrow? 

 

“A now look at you,” the voice goes on as if Sora hadn’t said anything, “you gave up your entire being for someone who's never going to be strong enough to return the favor, and now that you’re separated from all of your friends and your heart has to fend for itself, you’re out here. Pathetic and fading away into literally nothing. It’s pitiful.”

 

“And yet you’re still here,” Sora says softly, he’s starting to feel tired again. It happens before he loses time and awareness only to wake up at some.

 

There’s a pause.

 

“Yeah,” Vanitus answers, just as quietly. “I guess I am.”

 

…

 

At first, Ventus is ashamed to admit that he doesn’t think about it too much.

 

Reuniting with Terra and Aqua is something that’s heavy and emotional at first. He and Terra’s memories of the last decade are mainly just one big blank spot with occasional breaks of awareness and emotion, with the last thing they remember fully being that dreadful day at the keyblade graveyard all that time ago. Feelings of desperation and adrenaline combat with the way that they’d both somewhat accepted that their end was inevitable, and they both take in their restored lives with an intensity that neither one of them know how to properly channel at first.

 

Aqua though.

 

Ventus and Terra initially throw themselves back into the their old interactions with a fierce determination, spending most waking moments together comparing their experiences from the world’s they’d traversed and marvelling at the new advances of the worlds now (a gummiphone of all things!), filling the tense and sorrowful silences with sparring and practicing magic that they’d needed time to get reacclimated to using. It takes more time than it should for them to notice how Aqua generally stands to the side during these times, watching them carefully with a blank face and shining eyes. 

 

They don’t get much out of her about the time she’d spent in the Realm of Darkness, but the little that they do, coupled with the sad looks that both King Mickey and the guy named Riku send her whenever they visit, is enough to have Ventus’ heart tighten with grief. Over ten years, he’d spent being protected by a kid he’d had no business tasking with the burden of his fragmented heart. That same ten years, the woman who was as good as sister to him had spent wandering the horrifying landscape of the Realm of Darkness by herself, fighting through her despair and tragedy just because she wouldn’t give up on them. 

 

He and Terra attempt to recover the same relationship with Aqua just as aggressively, which is difficult at first considering just how much time and experience she now has on them (she’s always been the most skilled of the three, but now she fights with an inherent coldness that come from every fight potentially being the last, and she’s so,  _ so very strong _ ), but they manage eventually. And Ventus doesn’t think anything about the brief moments of awareness in his memories until the day that Riku thanks him. 

 

It happens during one of the times that they’ve all gathered at the Destiny Islands, which has become the unofficial hub for all of them who saw the struggle with Xehanort through to the other side. 

 

“I should thank you,” the taller guy says.

 

“For what?” Ventus responds curiously, tearing his gaze from the guy named Roxas who looks just like him. (Though he understand why, it’s still so  _ weird _ .)

 

“It was your doing, wasn’t it?” Riku had responded, “Back when Xehanort was trying to make Sora into his last Vessel? I recognize your armor.”

 

And suddenly, Ventus  _ remembers _ .

 

He remembers the feeling of darkness creeping up on Sora’s heart. Slowly at first, over the course of a long stretch of time, but then all at once at an alarming rate. He remembers the sheer panic and the  _ nononononothimpleasenothim-  _ and then the personafication of his will bursting out with one simple goal of  _ protecthimcan’tletthishappenprotecthimnonotagainplease- _ .

 

“Y-You’re welcome,” Ventus mutters, taken aback by the sheer feeling of grief that overcomes him at that moment. Because while he’s been reconnecting with his friends, enjoying the privilege if being awake and living a life not constantly fighting for once, one of the two people most integral to giving this chance is  _ gone _ .

 

“I’m,” he gulps, “I’m sorry I couldn’t do more for him this time.” 

 

Riku smiles sadly, gives a bit of a helpless shrug, “I think he’s satisfied knowing that you’re living your life.”

 

Sora’s friends do this. This thing where they refuse to talk about him in the past tense. Ventus understands, because Sora literally resurrected the girl named Kairi from the dead. It’s hard to think of someone with that type of power ever passing on himself. But talking to Riku, here and now, Ventus finally gets it.

 

He needs to find a way to make it so that Sora can live his life as well. And, he thinks as he allows his gaze to move back to the one he shares a face with, he thinks he knows where to start. 

 

…

 

He has trouble recalling people, most of the time.

 

It’s easiest to remember details about Roxas, first and foremost. Sora remembers every memory of Roxas from Twilight Town, he remembers the feelings that Roxas occasionally shared with him, remembers speaking to him face to face for the first time, remembers the sheer relief and happiness he’d felt upon seeing the blonde appear at the Keyblade Graveyard because finally, Roxas could have the chance to live that he’d always deserved but gave up for Sora. It’s through memories of Roxas that Sora recalls the most about himself, and he somehow knows that once he finally forgets about his Other, then he will truly be gone for good.

 

Ventus is next, he remembers mostly everything he’s learned about the boy from various sources. He remembers occasionally dreaming about snapshots of the boy’s life. He remembers the warmth and odd familiarity he felt when he’d spoken to him for the first time. He knows that he owes his life to Ventus is more ways than one.

 

Xion. Sora remembers Xion clearly, but has no real knowledge about her that isn’t filtered through Roxas’ memories, but the fact the can still plainly recall her face is something that Sora holds onto as much as he can nowadays ( _ days _ ?).

 

He remembers Aqua well enough, but can only think of her in detail in tandem with thinking about Ventus. Vanitas seems to have this odd hatred for her, odd in that it’s tempered slightly with respect for her abilities. Vanitas seems to regard Sora the exact same way. 

 

He remembers Donald and Goofy only some of the time, something that brings him a deep set sadness whenever he’s able to remember them and feel at the same time. Sora knows he owes his victory to them, that he’d never had gotten as far as he had without them, and that his misses them so much that it aches when he can ache. He thinks that he feels their loss the most acutely. 

 

And that’s really it. He occasionally gets snapshots of silver hair and feels winded with something a little like grief, a lot like admiration, but he can’t remember a face or a name anymore. There’s red hair and a soft voice that he knows is important, so very important, but everytime he searches for a name or a facem, Sora feels the sensation of fading almost increase in a way. 

 

“Ignoring me now?” Vanitas prods. Sora sighs.

 

He wishes that he could forget about Vanitas, but the crazy guy’s image in his head is just as clears as Roxas’ most of the time. Sora privately thinks that this is because Vanitus has for some reason decided to follow him through the corridors. He’s learned an uncomfortable amount about how the boy thinks during their time out here. But he’s come to reluctantly tolerate his shadow if only because Sora thinks more clearly whenever Vanitas decides to make his presence known. Whenever the other being pulls back to simply watch or do whatever it is he does when he isn’t actively ridiculing Sora for some reason or another, those are the moments that Sora loses himself more and more. 

 

“What am I supposed to say?” he asks, exasperated. 

 

“I don’t know,” he has the odd image of Vanitas shrugging, “you seem like you’re a chatterbox normally. Don’t know how I know that, but it’s weird that you’re not running your mouth and constantly letting stupid out.”

 

“Well maybe if you were a little less of an  _ asshole _ ,” Sora snaps back, surprising himself because one of the few things that Sora is sure about himself is that he doesn’t normally swear. 

 

“Oh please,” Vanitas scoffs, “It’s ok for all your little friends to point out what an idiot you are, but I can’t?”

 

“My friends don’t treat me this way,” Sora asserts, despite the fact that he literally remembers nothing concrete enough to back this statement up.

 

“Tch, yeah they do.” Vanitas says like it’s an indisputable fact. “Just because they mean it as a joke and you take it as a joke doesn’t change the fact that you let them crap on you. It’s pathetic.”

 

“Why do you even  _ care _ ?” Sora huffs.

 

“Because I got beaten by an idiot and a weakling,” Vanitas says, “And I have a problem with that.”

 

“Then why are you following around an idiot and a weakling, huh?” Sora snaps.

 

“That’s the million munny question,” Vanitas responds absentmindedly, “Maybe you’ll remember the answer sometime soon.” 

 

….

 

It’s hard for Roxas to admit to himself at first. But he feels empty.

 

It feels supremely ungrateful, considering what he’s gained. Not just getting Axel and Xion back, but also being able to connect with the true Hayner, Pence and Olette, who amazingly kept a place in their hearts for Roxas even though he’d never truly had a claim to their friendship. Isa is...odd to be around at first, but he makes Axel smile and Xion also seems to like him, so Roxas ends being totally fine with him. 

 

Twilight Town is this odd mix of familiar and foreign, and he finds himself both comforted by the place as well as excited to live out a life there. He strikes up a close friendship with Namine, who unfortunately is very close to Riku (Roxas supposes he’s an ok enough guy, still can’t stand him though). 

 

He doesn’t have much to say to Ventus or his friends, but he appreciates their presence at the Destiny Islands get-togethers nonetheless. Apparently Roxas looks like Ventus because Ventus had been in Sora’s heart in someway ever since Sora was born or something like that, and Roxas is cool with that, he really is (how couldn’t he be? With all the things he’s learned about himself and Xion and Sora’s apparent Heart Hotel.), but it’s still weird to see a mirror image of himself and recognize a lot of similar mannerisms. Terra is interesting enough, but they really have nothing to talk about. Aqua is gracious and kind, but somewhat hard to approach. 

 

Donald and Goofy are hilarious, and if Roxas had to say who he’d become most comfortable with outside of Twilight Town, then they’d definitely top the list. Their optimism and good moods are contagious, and they’ve been the most capable of bringing all of them together. 

 

Roxas...has trouble speaking to Kairi. He doesn’t quite understand why until he admits to himself just much his misses his connection to Sora. The girl smiles and goes about her day as best as she can, but there’s an emptiness to her eyes, that Roxas is startled find in his own gaze when he looks in the mirror one morning. It’s not fair to her, because it’s not her fault, but Roxas finds that he’s just the tiniest bitter that she’s here and Sora is not. 

 

It’s a horrifying thought, but then again, Roxas has never been as good as his Other. Nor has he ever claimed to be. 

 

It just  _ sucks _ . Because Roxas had resented Sora for so long, kept himself from caring about his Other for  _ so long _ , and then he’d made peace with his origins, and let himself accept that Sora needed his support, let himself come to admire the guy’s strength and determination. And then Sora had done everything in his power to help Roxas, wanted so badly to give Roxas the life that he thought that Roxas deserved. 

 

And now Roxas doesn’t have the chance to show how much he appreciates it. It  _ hurts _ .

 

Because Sora’s  _ gone _ . Roxas can feel it. He’s sure that Xion and Ventus can feel it to some extent as well. And Kairi knows it. Even if she can’t feel it quite like they can, she’d been connected to Sora’s heart enough to understand what he gave up when he brought her back. Everyone else is hopeful and optimistic, but Roxas knows better. He’s been aware of Sora’s heart in some way ever since his creation, which is how he knows that it’s literally no more. That Sora gave everything he had left to Kairi. And Roxas can’t help but resent her a little bit for it, so he doesn’t speak to her.

 

In fact, he doesn’t speak to anyone about Sora. Until Ventus approaches him one night.

 

…

 

Sometimes he wishes that he would just fade away completely. 

 

It’s difficult, floating endlessly, just...existing and waiting to not exist anymore. He occasionally sees a world that he thinks he recognizes in his peripheral vision, but soon enough he stops being able to discern what it is he actually sees out of the corners of his eyes all together. The heartless ignore him (he thinks that it’s his stubborn shadow, for some reason?), the sights mean nothing to him, he has no idea where he’s going, and even less of an idea where he came from (red hair, soft voice). 

 

He thinks that she shouldn’t let himself feel this way, that Roxas would probably be angry at him and Ventus would probably be sad, but it’s so hard sometimes, when he can barely even remember his own name. When he constantly loses time. When his memories slowly slip away from his grasp more and more each time. When his only company seems to hate him.

 

“Stop it,” Vanitas says harshly, as he tends to do when he gets in these moments where his own name escapes him, “Damn you, I said  _ stop it _ !”

 

“Stop what?” he murmurs.

 

“Stop trying to give up!” Vanitas snaps, “You can’t really mean to give up now? After everything?”

 

“Why can’t I?”

 

“Because then you truly become  _ nothing _ !” the boy’s voice is harsh with anger and something else unidentifiable. “Is that what you want? To fade away into obscurity? You defeated Xehanort and now you wanna turn over and die!?”

 

“‘M already dead,” his voice slurs in response.

 

“Didn’t stop you from going after that useless girl of yours!” Vanitas retorts, “I refuse to accept that we were bested by someone this pathetic!”

 

“You’re right though, ‘m pathetic.”

 

“ _ No _ !” the snarl in Vanitas’ voice is odd to him for some reason, “No, no,  _ no _ ! Don’t fucking say that!”

 

“You jus’ said.”

 

“You’re not supposed to agree, you absolute reject!” It’s starting to sound a bit like desperation, the other tinge to Vanitas’ voice. “This is the problem with your whole ‘my strength is my friends’ bullshit! You get separated from them, you fall apart! It’s ridiculous, because you don’t even need them! You just need that stupidly strong heart of yours!”

 

“Gave it away.”

 

“To someone who doesn’t fucking deserve it!” Vanitas yells, “How dare you give all of that strength up like that!? Like you don’t still have more to do? How dare you give up now when you wouldn’t give then. How dare you give up on yourself when you wouldn't give up on me!?”

 

That.

 

That does something.

 

Sora breathes? in sharply, suddenly assaulted with memories of floating through the in between, a shadowy presence at his back. He remembers prodding it, asking why it was following him if it wasn’t going to say anything, remembers weeks, maybe even months of trying to get the presence to speak to him, but it may as well if it was going to follow him around. Remembers the vitriol and hatred Vanitas spewed when he finally decided to start speaking back, remembers feeling confused at the fact that the shadow was there but relieved in a way to not be truly alone. Remembers telling Vanitus that he was glad the guys was alright, even after it was all said and done. Remembers trying to coax the shadow into conversation as he felt himself fade away more and more. Remembers Vanitas being oddly angry about the fact that Sora had sacrificed himself.

 

“Vanitas,” Sora asks, “why are you here?”

 

A moment passes.

 

“I told you,” Vanitas responds, “I’m your shadow. Yours and the other idiot’s. As long as you have light, then I exist.”

 

“But why are you here with  _ me _ ?” Sora insists. Vanitas is quite for a long moment. Long enough that Sora goes to ask again before he’s cut off.

 

“Ventus isn’t going to fade away forever without darkness on his side,” Vanitas says quietly, “You are.”

 

“You’re protecting me?”

 

“Obviously,” Vanitas snorts, and it somehow doesn’t sound as mocking as it usually does.

 

“...Why?”

 

“Because I can,” his shadow huffs, “And I’ve always thought that you could use a little darkness to you.”

 

...

**Author's Note:**

> So. 
> 
> Sora's POV may be a bit confusing in this, but let it be known that he's kind of...dead? His heart and body are gone, but his mind is still partially in tact due to Vanitas' darkness preserving it in the dark corridors. He's losing time and memories and isn't actually capable of feeling emotions at the moment, but he remembers enough to know what he should feel, if that makes sense? There's a question mark after all the bodily functions because Sora thinks that he's doing these things based on his memories of doing them, but doesn't actually have a body to do so, ergo, not actually doing them. This operates under the assumption that Vanitas was returned back to being a fragmented heart of darkness after his replica body died in KH3, and that it sought out either Sora or Ventus afterwards. I say that it would have went for Sora, who was the stronger of the two by the end of KH3, and I'll get more into what that means for them in later additions.
> 
> I feel like there's a lot of loaded feelings from a lot of people in this, I can't imagine that Ventus would be the type to just accept that Sora is gone, nor Vanitas to some extent if he decided to get involved. Roxas is a little more cynical, and a little more harsh in characterization compared to Ventus. I tried to present a realistic situation where Vanitas would go out of his way to help Sora here. I'd go more into it, but I do plan on getting into Vanitas' reasons next time. There wasn't much from other characters in this, unfortunately, but I hope to expand their roles in future installments. This will likely be a Sora and Vanitas/ Roxas and Ventus centric thing for a bit, in all honestly. I'm excited to do more for this soon. 
> 
> Stay Happy and Healthy, any and all feedback is appreciated!


End file.
